Since we began a relationship, one of the things I have loved the most is when Rich orders for me in a restaurant. Of course, he asks me what I want before the server arrives at the table for the order. But he is the one who says, “She will have......” This is a huge turn on for me! I also love it when he opens doors, asks me if I am chilly, or any of those gentlemanly gestures. I guess these gestures are confirmations to me that he is there for me and concerned about my welfare. The ordering is a taking charge thing – he is speaking for me. When he does or says these things for me, it makes me feel loved which definitely makes me feel more submissive which makes him feel more like a man, etc...etc... It just all works together for me.

I love anything that my man sees fit to do for me, especially if I don't have to ask. I love that he opens my car door and other doors for me. I like that he will purposefully move me to the non street side or that he thinks of things like making sure I have my purse. I also love that he comes to help me with the groceries when he is home without being asked and that he offers to do things that I am not capable of without batting an eye. I love all the things he does for me whether they are practical things or just silly, chivalrous gestures. I don't see that it needs to be a choice and I am glad my husband does both. As for ordering for me in a restaurant, for us it is a practical thing. Sometimes when I am out of balance, my anxiety gets the better of me and I can't talk to strangers. No, not even to order at a restaurant. The phone is a big problem for me, too, sometimes. There have been times, when I was alone that I have left the restaurant without ordering because I simply couldn't do it and I have stood in line at the grocery store cringing at the idea that the clerk might ask me a question or try to talk to me. My husband almost always asks what I am having anyway, just out of curiosity. So when he asks, if I need him to order, I will simply say, "Tell her I will have..." or if not I will just say, "I was thinking of having..." or something like that. Then it is up to him to decide if he will order for me or not. Sometimes he will order for me even if I don't need him to, especially if we are in a fancier restaurant. He knows to order vegetables and no carbs but he always has to ask me about salad dressing-not just for me but for himself to! He has this mental block that he can't seem to remember what the salad dressing he likes is called. It is even funnier to me because we both always take ranch on the side. =)

Occasionally when we are out to eat I’ll ask my husband to just order for me whatever he thinks I'll want. I’ve only done it once or twice. I was in such a completely surrendered state that I would have enjoyed whatever he ordered for me just because he ordered it. I like almost all foods so I am pretty easy to please besides he knows my food preferences after so many years. I don't think he particularly likes ordering for me because he doesn't want to get me something I won't like. So far it's worked out fine though. I always like what he orders for me. I always feel so relaxed and happy at those moments. I think the next time we go out again I'll ask him if he'll order for me again. I had forgotten how much I liked it.

You could sum it up as saying that some women like being controlled by a man, some women might see it simply as courtesy rather than control, and some women (me for instance) would simply find it very irritating. You can't lump all women together into one category, because I for one am left completely cold by this sort of thing, it does nothing for me either as control or as courtesy.

It's all in how you perceive it. My wife orders for herself most of the time -- though I think she wants to try having me order (not choose, mind you, there's a difference) for her just because it never occurred to us and sounds a little sexy -- but I still control the transaction with the server. I make sure the server gets her order right and I'll usually order extras like appetizers that I know she'll like.

Exactly right...but most women don't realize it. I have had many girlfriends precisely because of the way I treat them. Many who didn't know how much they craved it until I started treating them this way...suddenly they are aroused all the time. I have rules that must be followed after they agree to be in a relationship with me, and they are punished if rules are broken. Females are not aloud to open any doors...and I have beaten the butts of some who have not followed that. A man does as he pleases...a female does as she pleases...... until her man tells her what to do. Then she immediately drops whatever she is doing, says "yes, sir" obediently, and does as she was told to do. The relationship is much smoother that way, and I never have to worry about her being aroused because she is exploring her real female self. There is no greater pleasure for a human female than a submission orgasm...complete surrender to the man who controls her. I decide whether sex occurs.."no" is not an option for a female. If one ever says no, they are tied up and become intimately familiar with my belt. If you want to discuss this more, I will help you find a man who will fulfill your deepest real female desires.

It all depends on the man who does it. If you keep up this thinking, you will never experience what my girlfriends have experience.....a submission orgasm...complete surrender to the man who controls her. You will never know what it is like to be aroused all the time simply because of the way you are being treated. A man should NEVER EVER mistreat a female...there is no need. If you would like some free counseling so you can find a man to truly fullfill your deepest female desires and needs (many you don't even realize), let me know. I will be more than happy to sort this out for you.

Hi, I was trying to see your side of things so hard when reading your post. And frankly, I understand where you come from. But I also know that it's near impossible to just 'jump instantly' into such a relationship. In fact Gary has many similar rules for me. No is not an option for me at the best of times, yet it does simply pop out of my mouth sometimes. He has no need to tie me up and use his belt. He will come over me and quietly talk to me and 'adjust' the way I am thinking. And as far as sex goes, he is the who decides when and where. Yet he also tells me I am not a machine. Some days just don't work out as well as others. And yes, I do wait now for him to open the doors, and on the occasion my hand just slips out and opens that door, he notes it out loud, but again, it's not a punishment. And somehow I still find myself submitting to him completely. And I do deeply submit to him. This is our life. Not a game, not a relationship that may end one day. This is forever. And it is serious. Yes as with all serious things, we find the humor. And he has laughing till I pee sometimes with the outrageous things I do considering I am submissive to him. And while we are starting the 7th year of our marriage, things are very smooth indeed. But I have the feeling that while I am equal to him in many ways, his word is final. I suppose the difference between us and others, is everything, every tiny thing is done with love, with my benefit in mind. If I can't cope with it, it doesn't happen. Our commitment to each rivals that if we need to stop our D/s relationship and become something else, we are equally committed. Our love does never stop. The foundation is not dominance nor submission. The foundation is love.